Monday, 26 May 2008

• Currently Reading Freddy and Mr. Camphor (Freddy the Pig) By Walter R. Brooks see related

  Christian Album Covers: The Hall of Shame

  As long as we’re on the subject of music, I think it’s time to inflict this on the public.  

  It all began when those merrily irreverent folks at shipoffools.com posted a collection of their picks for the ten worst Christian album covers of all time.  Wouldn’t you know, I just had to go and look on Google to see what else was out there.  Turns out there are whole websites (like this one and this one) that are dedicated to collecting these spiritual treasures of a fortunately bygone era.  They swear up and down that they're all real, authentic, and un-Photoshopped.  I believe it.  You couldn't make this stuff up.
  

  Maybe it’s because I’ve spent too much time at Joel’s site lately, but I couldn’t resist choosing my own picks for the Top 15 (in no particular order), with some inspirational reflections:

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   You sure?  ‘Cause he looks kind of like a cardboard cutout to me.

  (On the plus side, they look very happy to be in hell.)

   

  

  One of these things just doesn’t belong.

   

  

  Interestingly, the first debate about “worship style” can be dated to the Sunday after this record was released.

   

  
  

  I’m dying to hear this one.   
  

  (Sorry.  Somebody had to say it.)

   

  
  

  I defy you to speak this album title without laughing out loud.  Actually, I defy you to say it without collapsing out of your chair and rolling around on the floor gasping for air and screaming in hysterics. 

   

  
  

  “First confession: I’m really a middle-aged man.  Second… hey, where’d everybody go?”

   

  
  

  “…I would probably look like this.  So thank you, God.”

  
  

  
  

  It’s not that I don’t like your boyfriend, Bev; it’s just that I think he has, you know, kind of a wooden personality.

  
  

  
  

  Good news: We’re going to live forever!  Bad news: Our hair is going to look like giant metal macaroni.

  
  

  
  

  The witness, identified only as “Mr. J.,” spoke on condition of anonymity.

  
  

  
  

  Nah, I never really got into that electric folk-rock stuff.  I prefer Brahms’ style, myself.

  
  

  
  

  Aaaaaaay-men! 
  

  Wait, what?

  What?!?
  

  
  

  
  

  Next time someone tells you that we need to make a Christian version of a popular trend, you’ll remember this, won’t you?

  
  

  
  

  They’re playing toy pianos?  I thought that was in Purgatory.

   

  

  “Timmy, if you don’t start behaving, I’ll make you listen to that record again!”
  

  
  

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  If that doesn't give you enough Christian music to suit you for a while, you can listen to some of my stuff and cleanse your palate.  Still accepting descriptions (see details below), as long as they're not as snarky as mine....
  

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